Building new habits, that stick and transform your life!

So, you’ve decided it’s time to build some new habits. Maybe you want to start exercising regularly, eat healthier, or finally tackle that side project you’ve been daydreaming about. Whatever it is, you’re not alone—most of us have been there, full of excitement at first, only to watch that enthusiasm fizzle out a few weeks later. But here’s the good news: there’s a way to make habits stick, and it’s less about willpower and more about understanding what’s really driving you. Today, I’m diving into habit formation. The approach? It’s all about getting to the root of why we do what we do—our beliefs and motivations—and using that to create lasting change. Let’s break it down together.

Habits Aren’t Just Actions—They’re Mind Games

First off, let’s get one thing straight: habits aren’t just about doing something over and over until it becomes automatic. Sure, repetition helps, but if that’s all it took, we’d all be marathon runners and kale smoothie enthusiasts by now. Habits are deeply tied to our inner world—our thoughts, emotions, and the stories we tell ourselves. If you’ve ever tried to start a habit and failed, it’s probably not because you’re lazy. It’s more likely that your underlying beliefs or motivations weren’t quite aligned with the change you were chasing.

Think about it like this: if you’re trying to start a morning workout routine but deep down you believe “I’m just not a morning person” or “exercise is punishment,” no amount of alarm clock willpower is going to make that stick. The big insight here is that lasting habits come from shifting those internal narratives first. So, before you lace up your sneakers, you’ve got to ask yourself: What do I really believe about this habit, and why do I want it?

Step 1: Get Curious About Your “Why”

Let’s start with motivations, because that’s where the magic happens. Sustainable habits are fueled by intrinsic motivation—doing something because it feels meaningful to you, not just because you think you should. Say you want to meditate every day. If your reason is “I read it’s good for me” (external pressure), you might do it for a week and then ditch it. But if your “why” is “I want to feel calmer and more present for my family” (internal desire), you’ve got a much better shot at sticking with it.

Here’s a little exercise for you: grab a coffee (or tea, no judgment), sit down, and ask yourself three questions about the habit you want to build:

• What’s my real reason for wanting this? (Dig deep—past the surface stuff.)

• How will this make my life better? (Picture it vividly.)

• Does this feel like me, or am I forcing it? (Be honest.)

Have you ever tried to start a habit because your friends or everyone on Instagram seemed to swear by it, to find it was not sustainable? Spoiler: Your  motivation was “I don’t want to feel left out,” which wasn’t exactly soul-stirring. But if you tried again, but this time digging deep to discover and shift your “why” to be a more internal driver such as "I want a way to process your chaotic thoughts.” That shift can make all the difference— enabling you to take small steps overtime to allow you to not only create a new habit but sustain it indefinitely. Cool right? So let’s take this further…

Step 2: Rewire Those Pesky Beliefs

Okay, so you’ve got your “why”—great start! But now you must tackle the beliefs holding you back. Our brains are wired to protect us, often by clinging to old stories that feel safe, even if they’re not helpful. Maybe you want to eat healthier, but you’ve got this lingering belief that “healthy food is boring” or “I’ll never enjoy cooking.” Those thoughts? They’re like invisible brakes on your habit-building engine.

The trick is to challenge those beliefs with curiosity, not judgment. This is where a coaching-style approach comes into play: question the story and look for evidence that it’s not the full truth. Let’s say you think “I’m too busy to cook healthy meals.” Ask yourself: Is that always true? Have I ever made time for something I cared about? Maybe you realize you spend 30 minutes scrolling X every night—time you could swap for chopping veggies. Or maybe you discover that “boring” healthy food isn’t a fact; it’s just that you haven’t found recipes you love yet. Start small—try one new dish—and let the evidence build a new belief: “I can make this work.”

Creating a new habit helps the brain form new neural pathways, often referred to as “neural bridges” or synaptic connections, which are crucial for long-term behavior change.

• Initially, forming a new habit takes conscious effort (prefrontal cortex).

• With repetition, control shifts to the basal ganglia, the brain’s habit center.

• This transition means the behavior becomes automatic, requiring less mental energy.

Step 3: Design Habits That Fit Your Life

It’s all about setting yourself up for success by designing habits that match your reality, not some idealized version of you. Forget the “go big or go home” mentality—small, doable steps are your best friend. Want to exercise more? Don’t aim for an hour at the gym if you’re starting from zero. Try 10 minutes of stretching while your coffee brews. The key is consistency over intensity, because every tiny win reinforces your new belief: “I’m someone who moves my body.”

Try “habit stacking”—tying your new habit to something you already do. Brush your teeth every night? Add a two-minute gratitude list right after. It’s like sneaking the habit into your routine without your brain throwing a tantrum.

Step 4: Embrace the Messy Middle

Let’s be real: building habits isn’t a straight line. You’ll miss a day, or three, and that’s okay. This approach isn’t about perfection—it’s about resilience. When you slip up, don’t beat yourself up with “I knew I couldn’t do this.” Instead, get curious again: What got in the way? How can I tweak this? Maybe your workout time clashes with your kid’s soccer practice—shift it to evenings. The goal is to keep your motivation alive by adapting, not abandoning ship.

This is where your “why” comes back into play. On tough days, remind yourself why this matters. It can pull you back in. It’s not about never falling—it’s about getting up with a clearer sense of purpose. I other words change your mentality - instead of viewing slips ups as failure view them as an opportunity to learn how to make your goal an reality! The concept of embracing mistakes as learning opportunities and viewing them as essential for growth is a common theme in neuroscience and psychology, with researchers like Henning Beck and Charan Ranaganath emphasizing the power of failure. The Cognitive Neuroscience Society (CogNeuro) views learning from mistakes as a crucial process driven by the brain's ability to identify and react to prediction errors, ultimately leading to the updating of memories and improved performance. Mistakes are not just failures; they are opportunities for learning and adaptation. By actively engaging with and analyzing errors, individuals can refine their understanding and improve their performance. 

The Big Picture: You’re Rewriting Your Story

Here’s the coolest part when you build a habit this way, you’re not just changing what you do—you’re changing who you are. Every time you choose that morning stretch or that home-cooked meal, you’re telling yourself, “I’m someone who takes care of myself.” That’s powerful stuff. Over time, those little actions stack up, and suddenly you’re not just trying to be healthier or more productive—you are that person.

So, what habit are you itching to start? Take a sec to think about your “why,” poke at your beliefs, and design something small that fits your life. It doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be yours. And hey, if you stumble, don't beat yourself up, take a step back and see what you can learn for it. After all, building habits is less about discipline and more about discovering what makes you tick. So the first step is to build that roadmap—now it’s up to you to take the first step. What’s yours going to be?

Make that game plan for lasting change